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| a group picture of the new couples and the groom's colleagues |
Today,
a friend as well a colleague of mine at the office officially opens the second
chapter of his life. From now on, his house will be filled out with some girly
stuffs of a woman – not his mom, not his sisters.
Yes!
He gets married. Congratulation, Bli Agus Suryantara! Wishing you two all the
best and many more awesome things coming to your life!
And
soon they will have that cute little creature, named as Wayan or Putu. And maybe
some other will follow. Then they’ll have Made
or Kadek, Nyoman or Komang, and
perhaps also Ketut! It’s important in
one side, in order to preserve and maintain Balinese culture in the terms of
naming babies – the family planning that mentions: “two (2)-children is better”,
it should be added with “four (4)-children is the best”. So that, the names of Nyoman or Komang and Ketut would
not disappear in the future. Ignorantly saying, I guess it’s a good idea for
Balinese culture – probably.
When
you are invited to a Balinese wedding, you can wear Balinese attire, or proper
clothes such as dress, shirt and/or long trouser. My mother would bring a
basket contained with 2 Kg uncooked rice, 1 pack of incense, and 1 Kg of sugar
as gifts to the new couple. However, to be ‘easier’ and ‘practical’, people
nowadays would just put some money in an envelope and they can insert it in the
box that is provided in the entrance when you enter the compound and have to
write down your name and address on the guest book.
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| pictures of our overseas students dancing with the flirting dancers |
Not
only congratulating the ones who get married, people also will socialize with
other guests or friends they meet in the ceremony. While talking and chilling
out, usually there is also a flirting dance performed to entertain the guests.
It is one kind of Balinese dances where the dancer(s) firstly will show their
skill in dancing for couple minutes, and then with selendang (sash) in their hand they will find a guest to join them
dancing on the stage by putting the sash on the guest’s waist. They will dance
for some moment until the guest asks to finish it (usually the guest want to
finish it really soon as they are shy that many people look at them with
laughter). And then the dancers will find other guests. This show is usually
performed for 20 – 30 minutes for one session.
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| guests are waiting in line to have some food |
When
the new couples or the host think it is the time, they will offer food to the
guests. The guests are asked to go to the food stand where they can take
prepared food by themselves. The host has prepared everything needed on a
table. Sometimes, there will be a person or more also serve you with the
mineral water, ice cream, and/or fruits as the dessert.
In
Balinese culture / tradition, we know there are many rituals and ceremonies
done to worship the Gods and Goddesses (Dewa
Yadnya), ancestors (Pitra Yadnya),
sages, priests, teachers (Rsi Yadnya),
mankind in their life cycle (Manusa
Yadnya), and underworld creatures (Butha
Yadnya). All of this division of worshipping is wrapped under the name of
Panca Yadnya or five kinds of rituals in order to balance the Sekala and Niskala – the visible and invisible world. Those five divisions are
only the big titles of the rituals. In fact, each division has its own
sub-parts and there a lot of rituals and ceremonies happening in a Balinese
Hindu’s life.
Some
people would say that all of those rituals that related to you as a Balinese
Hindus are so important in order to not going wrong in your life. Many
offerings are supposed to be made to support those rituals. In total, much time
is also invested to do the rituals. Meanwhile, some other would say that “it is
fine as long as you do these two important ones; Pawiwahan (marriage ceremony) and Ngaben (funeral ceremony).
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| offerings offered in the ritual of a Balinese wedding ceremony |
It
is no more arguable that those two rituals or ceremonies are indeed said to be
important ones. So, they are supposed to be conducted with big supports – in
terms of materials or non-materials.
In
Bali Hindu concept, we learn something like stages of life, is something named
as Catur Asrama. Etymologically, it
has two words; they are Catur that
means four and Asrama that means
stage, level, or step. So that, Catur
Asrama can be said as four harmonious stages of life that should be orderly
passed in order to achieve Moksa (the
highest perfect happiness). In every stage of life, a mankind has his duties
and rights, and what to dos and don’ts. In addition, every stage has its own characteristics;
however it can’t be separated from the whole life process. They are as one
unity.
The
divisions of Catur Asrama:
- Brahmacari
Asrama
- Grhasta
Asrama
- Wanaprasta
Asrama
- Sannyasin
/ Bhiksuka Asrama
Brahmacari Asrama, basically until 24 years old, is a stage of life
where a mankind is supposed to enrich himself with good holy knowledge. Basically,
brahmacari is contained with two
words; Brahma means knowledge and cari means to seek, to gain, to achieve,
or to get. In this stage, a mankind will spend his time wisely for gaining
knowledge, so that, it can be useful and helpful in the future for himself, his
family, his nation and country. Additionally, in brahmacari asrama, learners are prohibited to realize their sexual
desire (I don’t want to say that ‘they cannot have sexual desire’, since it is
a biological desire and I believe that no one can erase it). They are asked to
control it and be conscious on how to manage it. Regarding to this, there are three
conditions of having sexual desires or making love, they are:
- Sukla Brahmacari is not having sexual fulfillment in his whole life. It also means that he does not get married for the whole life. It does mean that he is not able to have sexual fulfillment, it is just he decides to be sukla or holy by limiting his needs.
- Sewala
Brahmacari is get
married only once in his life.
- Kresna
Brahmacari is that he
can get married couple times, maximum 4 times. These additional marriages
are allowed for some special reasons, such as; the current couple is
barren, they have diseases, and when the current couple gives permission.
Grhasta Asrama, basically from 24 – 48 years old, is a stage of life
when somebody is married. Technically, when somebody is married, they will have
some new duties in order to maintain their marriage life, together with their
couple. It is another important stage of life where somebody starts applying
what they have learned in the brahmacari
asrama, for the needs of the household (including religious needs) and
community. The husband as the head of the family should provide the household
needs with the artha (wealth) which
is gained with dharma (a good way)
and should be utilized for a good reason as well. He should donate his wealth
in the amount 1/10. Some duties should be done in this life stage are:
- To have offspring.
- To maintain the household.
- To socialize with the community.
- To do the Panca Yadnya – the five
kinds of rituals in order to balance the Sekala and Niskala –
the visible and invisible world.
Wanaprasta Asrama, basically from 48 – 72 years old, is the third
stage of life where a mankind starts discharging his duties in the household.
He is now more in to his spiritual life. In the past, somebody in this stage
will go to a forest or a rural place where he finds peace and do meditation, as
well as self-reflection there. In this period, he start to realize the ways to
achieve Moksa – the highest perfect
happiness. He is not the main supporter of the family anymore. In this modern
era, people are not going to a forest anymore (or also maybe not meditating in
a cave). However, somebody is asked to alienate the worldly stuffs around him
in order to achieve the highest awareness. They should realize that nowadays
the jungle or wilderness is among themselves. Therefore, they should be aware
that they need to have a great self-control in order to shield themselves from
those negative worldly things.
The
characteristics of being in this life stage is when somebody is already having
enough life experience, understand the true meaning of life itself, being calm
with any kinds of life problems, having a huge wisdom based on the religion and
good knowledge, his offspring can already live independently and not asking
supports including financial support from their parents.
Sannyasin / Bhiksuka Asrama, basically from 72 years old until mortality, is
the last stage of life where, in the past, somebody does not have any relationship
with those worldly stuffs, including family and household. He leaves everything
behind; all racial differences, all rituals and ceremonies, he does not have
any relation to any nations or countries, or even religions. He is a free sage.
He lives by himself and spends his time mostly through meditation and
self-reflection. He is spreading his good knowledge to his surroundings. He is
free from likes and dislikes, desires, passion, anger, greed, jealousy, and so
on. He loves everybody and is willing to share what he can share. He totally is
free from those worldly stuffs. He is always as humble as his own when he is
honored or dispraised, is worshipped or criticized, is successful or failed. He
is now in the level of perfection and freedom.
In
this modern era, living in this stage, somebody is supposed to enrich his
spirituality more deeply, is believed to release any needs of worldly stuffs,
and to have a perfect self-control, not influenced by any negative feelings,
such as; sad ripu, sapta timira, sad atatayi, tri mala,
and so on.
It
is a bit about the stages of life in Bali Hindu philosophy. And of course those
stages and their characteristics can be always adapted with the situation and
condition of the present era. Bali Hindu belief is one of the beliefs that can
go through eras and adapt really well. It is a colorful and artistic belief
that opens to any changes – as long as they support the progress of humankind.
As
I mentioned earlier that Bli Agus, my friend opens the second chapter of his life,
since the grhasta asrama (the
marriage life) is the second stage of life. I am so happy for him as he gets
married. Now, his timing comes to be more mature, more responsible, and more
careful in any steps and decisions.
Hopefully,
next time I can write more detail about the procession of Balinese wedding
ceremony. If you have any add or comments, please don’t hesitate to write them
down below. Your add and comments are highly appreciated.
Once
again, happy wedding Bli Agus Suryantara! Hoping all the best for you both and
stay awesome in your new chapter of life!
Selamat
menikah!
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